I’m not good at resting. I’ve mentioned this before and it still hasn’t changed. Time has provided a bit of clarity and I have an inkling of why I don’t rest well. Being busy prevents me from dealing with anything in my head. I didn’t realize I did it until just a couple of months … Continue reading Knowing why I don’t know how to be.
Teaching my kids to cook is stressful. As they learn more skills, at any given moment, they could injure themselves. Obviously, this is true all the time, regardless of kitchen efforts, but cooking work is different. Seeing my son with a knife in his hand, forgetting to hold his bear claw, provokes unpleasant visions in … Continue reading Make a bear claw!
My husband had surgery to remove his cancer last week. Science is amazing. Somehow, the physician was able to freeze away the tumor on my husband’s kidney through two tiny puncture wounds on his back while my husband was in a cat scan machine. Every day, I’ve been checking his bite mark as I like … Continue reading A good casserole.
I haven't been formally diagnosed with a skin picking disorder. Most people I know that pick their skin haven't been identified, because skin picking wasn't added to the DSM until several years ago. Skin picking doesn't always occur alone, but instead often with other comorbidities. It happens with anxiety and depression most often, followed by … Continue reading Anxiety can look like this…
I wrote a couple of months ago about feeling broken at Christmas. My words proved truer than I had anticipated. My husband found me Christmas morning, after our breakfast of green frosted cinnamon rolls sprinkled with red sugar, after our gifts, after checking Santa’s cookie plate and his milk bottle, after seeing how the reindeer … Continue reading Crying Christmas
Sleep is again not mine to have. Falling asleep is usually not difficult, but staying asleep is. When my children wake up to banana bread, it’s usually because I woke up at 3 or 4 am. If I wasn’t awake with several hours to go before anyone else wakes up, dog included, my kids wouldn’t … Continue reading I make banana bread because I can’t sleep.
My kids have been vaccinated now for several weeks and the initial excitement they felt is waning, especially for my youngest. Understandably, he was hoping that his vaccination would help and that he might not have to wear his mask as often, specifically around his closest friends. Viruses get stronger with each new person they … Continue reading Omicron sounds like a decepticon.
There are few things I truly love about Christmas, but I love lights. After another bad dream, instead of the typical darkness in the early hours of the morning, I was greeted by the glow of our tree, just put up last night. Since trying to become more aware of what things feel genuinely good … Continue reading Hark!
Romans 8:26 The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for us through wordless groans. I attended my first “blue Christmas” service a couple of years back. I wasn’t a member at our church yet, and I didn’t know what this special … Continue reading The longest night, a week from tomorrow.
Warning: This post addresses suicide and self-harm. Not so long ago, I expressed concern about the string of heartbeat bills popping up to another Christian, and their response surprised me. They told me any bill related to access to reproductive health wouldn’t matter to me, because I was married and I wouldn’t be trying to … Continue reading Living in the Gray.