Romp, expedition, adventure, odyssey, quest. Along the way, maybe I’ll find better words to describe my life. My days are filled with the work of raising children, serving a retired canine racing queen, trying to run when my body allows it, hugging my husband, choosing between board games, books, and sleep, and never being truly bored.
There are few things I truly love about Christmas, but I love lights. After another bad dream, instead of the typical darkness in the early hours of the morning, I was greeted by the glow of our tree, just put up last night. Since trying to become more aware of what things feel genuinely good to me, I noticed my reaction. I do remember the dream, but it’s no longer taking up as much of my thoughts. The lights don’t make me feel warm inside, but they do make this room have a comfort to it that lessens some of the other nagging thoughts. Maybe next year, we can try to have some lights up sooner. At least when the anxiety increases with the stresses of the holidays, I’ll have lights to distract me when my dreams inevitably get worse. Anxiety and depression are incredibly frustrating, because they reduce your energy levels, making it harder to do the things you need to do for yourself. I know that getting better sleep would help, but how do I get better sleep when my dreams feel so real? By the time I’ve grounded myself again, understood that my dream wasn’t real and the things around me are, I’m too alert to sleep again, finding myself trying not to wake up my family at 4 in the morning.
Sending all the love, comfort and hugs your way, my friend. It’s interesting, I’ve had a couple of difficult months, but I put up the tree, and decorated. Maybe not as much as usual, but enough to draw from the glow and joy of the season. I found it helped instead of taking away from, or being too much to bear. I may not always feel this way around future holidays, but this year, the lights helped.
Beka Tucker 
Sending all the love, comfort and hugs your way, my friend. It’s interesting, I’ve had a couple of difficult months, but I put up the tree, and decorated. Maybe not as much as usual, but enough to draw from the glow and joy of the season. I found it helped instead of taking away from, or being too much to bear. I may not always feel this way around future holidays, but this year, the lights helped.
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I think lights are possibly my favorite thing about the holidays, now that I think about it. 🙂
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